Courting vs. Dating

By Chloe Quinn

Many Christians today are choosing courtship instead of dating. Let’s examine what makes them different and why believers are returning to a Biblical model of building relationships with courtship.

What Is Courtship? Courtship is when two people have an opportunity to know each other with the goal of marriage. It’s a serious and God-focused process when both individuals see if their life goals, values, and beliefs match according to the Bible. Unlike casual dating, courtship involves families, accountability, and growing spiritually together. In courtship, a man usually asks the woman’s father for permission to court his daughter. This shows respect and ensures the relationship is built on honesty and godly principles. During courtship, couples avoid spending time alone together; they often spend time with each other’s families and friends instead. This approach emphasizes placing God at the center of the relationship, involving activities such as Bible study, attending youth groups, participating in mission trips together, and serving together.

Courtship is a friendship aimed at seeing if both parties have the same calling with the intention of marriage.

Proverbs 18:22 – “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”

The main focus of courtship is to prepare for a Christ-centered marriage. It helps both people grow spiritually, seek God’s guidance, and be ready to serve Him together in marriage.

What Is Dating? Modern dating often focuses on attraction, feelings, and personal happiness rather than commitment and God’s plan. Many people date without thinking about marriage, just looking for fun or companionship. Today’s dating culture often follows the world’s ways, where relationships are based on personal satisfaction instead of a commitment to serve each other in Christ. Many dating relationships act like marriages in emotional and even physical closeness but lack the promise and responsibility that marriage requires. Often, dating doesn’t involve parents, and people may date multiple others over time or even at the same time.

Romans 12:2 – “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and

acceptable and perfect.”

Worldly love is often self-centered, based on how the other person makes one feel rather than a commitment to love them sacrificially as Christ loves the Church. This approach can lead to heartbreak, emotional wounds, and a lack of direction in relationships. We are called to guard our heart. God calls us to be intentional and wise in our relationships, protecting our hearts from unnecessary pain and distractions that often accompany traditional dating.

Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart,

for everything you do flows from it.”

Many people today experience heartbreak because they rush into relationships without seeking God’s guidance. Only Jesus can truly fulfill our deepest longings. Rather than pursue relationships out of loneliness, take this time to prepare your heart for the future spouse God has for you.

Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Some Christians use the term Christian dating to describe a God-honoring relationship, while others prefer courtship. What truly matters is whether the relationship aligns with Biblical principles. A Christ-centered relationship, whether called courtship or Christian dating, should honor God, protect purity, and prepare both individuals for a marriage that reflects God’s love. If you’re not ready to be married, it would be wise to wait before beginning a relationship.

May you seek His will, walk in purity, and trust that

God’s timing is always perfect.